My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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