Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
