you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
