Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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