Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like death gave me a hand job
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
