You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
