Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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