I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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