return my video game
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
