i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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