So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
