the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
