the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
