how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
