I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
