You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
