sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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