So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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