8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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