Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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