Sponge bath it is.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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