And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
