i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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