jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
