You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
