It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
