if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
