so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
