I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
