Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
