I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did i walk over a car last night?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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