actually, I'm a sock model
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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