hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
