look no pants
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
