i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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