I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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