It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
