i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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