Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
