I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
