Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
