Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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