The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
