just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
