You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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