Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
