after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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