even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
