New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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