Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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