remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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