I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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