Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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