I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
