I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
